On How We Keep Living
by Shaeman
Summary: Story takes places with difference circumstance. Such as Hachiman being Neutralist. Not Pessimist nor Optimistic. Is it AU thou? Well here goes saying...


**I'm high. So here's what the result of my drunken phase.**

 **...**

 **I've had no clue about this...**

* * *

 ** _Chapter 1: Lives_**

* * *

 _Living is forceful task,_

It is not a choice that we choose to do it. It is a demand. That we can't but only nod to acceptance. But one can only wonder, Is there any point to live? Is there any fixed destination that we should reach? Is there any conclusion to what we do in this moment? Is there any reason that we exist for? Just what is it to keep Living?. I'd had no answer for that. Conclusion. Life was not in our reach. We knows it because we experience it. We've been through it every ways ahead within our times. And Times too, was an essence of living. Times is the reason that we keep moving from here to nowhere we knew about. It create a situation that we won't found ourselves to be one of them. Although, Life's and Times created for different purpose. Times keep going, because things changes. And Life's keep going, because there was an existence. And to know every by it was almost like IMPOSSIBLE to have a right explanation to the topic.

Even if Life's keep adhere. It doesn't mean that it has the same pattern for each moment. I doesn't go linear by distinctive choices. It goes through how did One existence behave. It reflect on every action that did happen around it. It runs from a factor called 'Negativity' and 'Positivity'. Those two were likely an exact opposite to each other. But to know it deeply. It was an essence to make out every event that can likely happened. The source was come from us, Human.

All that aside. Human, the most intelligence creature that has the most expensive feature, if it was on sale that is. My point is, every thing happen with a reason. To sum it up, Human was the reason that every happening. Not gonna be specific about the area. But Obviously, with utmost certainty it will always affect the world we lives in. Emotion was the scale to profound it. Emotion are an exceed that deals with every right of the minds. It decide for us whether we do it or not. So our every action was bounded by emotion. And to understand one. You need to know NOTHING about it. 'Cause it has no ground with knowledge. It is determined to be likely so.

And of all thing that is pointed to us. Human, is the sole creature that has no bound in restriction. They think what they desire. They thought in pleasant. Everythings cames up as a nostril of their imagination fragment. Take example about digital. You can buy it as 'Virtual Sorter'. By combining every idea they build the most complex things such as Chip. Or should I said Computer?

Nah Whatever.

.

* * *

.

 ***KRING***

 ***KRING***

 ***TUP***

"Im awake... Im awake." I mumbled sleepily.

A sound of alarm were annoy the ears throughout the room. It showing that now was 5.30 AM as I snooze the alarm with single button. Even thought that ringing makes my half of conciousness back to my body, my mind were telling me to take another rest. Without a thought, I fall unto slumber again. I didn't get enough sleep to wake this early. Night time online gaming were eating my awareness to reality. RPG MMO are really a mortified genre that can make someone go concious for a longer cause. And so it makes me lost track of time, making me sleep only for 4 hours. Unhealthy for sure, but enough to dispel the sleepiness.

A loud knock were heard from my ears side. Ignoring the sound, I continue to sleep myself off.

"Onii-chan, wake up! It's morning now."

A loud high-pitched cheerly voice were sounded from the another side of the door. My conciousness slowly retracted to me as the knock were getting louder by each time. Surely, I won't fall out of my realms if this keep going on. Defeated, I groanly get up from my bed and walk to the doorside. Opening the door, my view was meet with a certain familiar person that live in here as well. This black short haired girl, was no-other than my beloved little sister. Komachi Hikigaya.

"Mou! Onii-chan, you shouldn't laze around your bed in the morning." She pouted.

My little sister was wearing an apron, assuming she was cooking before, on her pajamas. You can say that she was my second alarm, afterall the first one was ineffective to me.

"Hey, your brother needs time to slump out his body. Just imagine on how tired I was yesterday."

"I know that. But Onii-chan, you do know it yourself that you got so much time for your bedtime! Just what are you doing at night?" She asked demandly.

"Playing some online games. I seek some relieve for costing my effort." I tried to reason with her.

"I really appreciate for what you're doing for us, I really do. But Onii-chan, you should sleep early with all that labor going on everyday. Be considerate at your body while its still on its finest, you know." She genuinely concern for me. I'm glad she wasn't an ignorant in her puberties.

"Well..." I softly scratch my head. Not sure on how giving her answer, but "... I will try."

"Good." She turn to the right side and walk to the way to the kitchen. "Then, wash your face first before you take a breakfast. I make your favorite food today."

After she was out of my sight, but still nearby. I did what she told me by going to only-one-bathroom in this place. We live in apartment flat right now. There's only 2 room and 1 living room that we used to feast and being in relax. Its been 2 years we being independent with ourself. Even if this place was small, the vibe its giving was really recognize that there was some living being in here. I mean this place was not rented for nothing. After all with numerous decision that's given on how will I being wasn't something I selfishly choose to regret. Yes, I feel it before, but not after a long time I accommodate this place without a single thought to leave this kind of life. No matter how much of introverted I am, this place was not so lonely within my comfort zone. Especially with relative company. Its... kinda feels like a house within happy family. Its... painful...

After some teeth-brushing, I stood well enough infront of a mirror. Staring at my own reflection, giving me something that I never chase to change it. This eyes like dead-fish eyes are the one deciding and told me who would I be in Society Circle. Its one of my feature that's been given to me after I was exist in this world. Something that I've been wondering "Why is it me?" and "Why can't it be another?" before. That time, I blame my innocence for not wanting to change anything. I clearly didn't want to acknowledge and keep denying for what granted to me. But within time, Learning the greed is something that human do. Just like myself. Accepting the thing that was given was indeed a gratification for us to know that it was part of us.

With everything done, I go to the living room to take my cute little sister cooking. Onii-chan can smell the greatness of this dinner, Komachi! Arriving there, I expect to see my little sister watching while eating her dish. But where is she? Is she already head to school first? Nah, she still around here. There was two dish on the table. One has fried shrimp and some udon while another one is just a casual Miso Soup. I sit on the side were fried shrimp was served on the table. Silently eating while watching TV that wasn't in my interest. Out of nowhere, my little sister take a seat at another side of the table. With a grin on her face, she happily raise up her spoon to her mouth. Humming cutely as her mouth chew to taste her own cooking. Ah, Onii-chan was warmed by your cutesy, Imouto-chan!

"Onii-chan. Stop grinning while staring at someone like that. It's creepy." So much for giving her loves...

"Just how did I being a creep? It's natural in Onii-chan realms to react at their little sister affection." Oh, Thats scored so much Komachi Point!

"Well, I guess it's fine. But don't do that when you was with another person." You don't need to tell me that...

"Don't worry. It's a special occasion only for my beloved Imouto." Wait, that sounded more like a siscon...

"There you go again Onii-chan. Atleast that score an high Komachi Point!" She exclaimed happily. So much spirit in the morning. That's her for you.

"I just score twice, without you knowing."

With that, we share a small laugh and presume to feast our dinner. She then take a remote and change the channel, searching for her amusement. After a while of searching, she stop as the TV showing a morning news. Hmm... It's not like her to watch some news at this day. She stare focused at it without minding her own food. You should be honest if you don't like it, Onii-chan will gladly take it for you!

"A car crash reported on central district of Chiba. The calamity were caused by red light failure. Both drivers found dead while the passenger badly injured in unconscious state."

A voice of reporter professionally informing throughout TV speaker. It's a little bit ignorant that it was caused by an error. The caretaker are not properly checking the line worksout, resulting a disaster that someone got to felt for. But surely, the other parties were at fault. Just how desperate that they want to cross a road there? Not on the driver side, but clearly was the passenger demand. Well, so much for guessing, they need to chill a little bit after this.

But we have our own problem here. The other person at this table, was not saying anything and froze her view unto the TV. Komachi, she wasn't showing any emotion at all. It wasn't an unreasonable reaction. I got one on my own. And she was clearly are dwelling in her own mind. The air arounds her wasn't an happy one that she spread before. As her only relatives, she's the most taking it hard...

But suddenly, she snap out of her realms. Realizing my stare, she back to her food and quietly presume her dish. The dinner proceed silently and the only sound were heard are our chopstick bumping with our rice bowl. So uncomfortable right now. Not because we didn't changes a word, it's not the first time that this happen.

"You know Onii-chan."

She said in a low tone voice. Hmm? That's rare with her case. Much to my Onii-chan pride. I was alerted by how she sounded so different than she was with her words. I place my chopstick behind my bowl and looking at her. She stated for being serious right now. I don't like this.

"Sometimes life can be so cruel. We didn't ask for anything more than to live a normal life. But things just being too unreasonable. I just don't know why. We aren't being selfish at all. We just only living for ourselves. We didn't do anything wrong... But why is that we must get through with someone's mistake..."

That's just... out of nowhere. The thing is, her words was not conveyed in curiosity. Its only filled with sadness. Her voice didn't even lie with it.

With a sigh, I responded to her.

"And where are you going with this?" I took a firm tone to speak my words out. It wasn't necessary actually. But I just fell like saying it like that.

A second of silence after my last change. Expected to get my answer as soon as I ask her. But not a words were voiced with her lips. I was going to presume my feast.

But Suddenly, She stand up harshly, shaking the table much to my surprise. What's with girls in the morning?

"... What..." She mumbled lowly.

...What?

"How can you said that?"

"Am I asking something wrong her-"

My words were interrupted by a sound of loud bump. Komachi, stood froze after her small hands creating a shock to the table. Her eyes were covered by her bangs. I don't need to clarify what's her expression right now. Might as well said that I knew why she was being like this.

"How can you say that so easily... You knew better than me about this!"

Sure.

"I do. In every right I got it burned within my memories."

"Then should you understand what I felt right now!?"

"I knew that well enough to pass on my reaction, Alright?"

"Then stop being Insensitive already!"

What? Hey.

"Why are you being this emotional now?"

"You never felt anything about this, not even once I see you being sad at all!

Really?

"Why must I? I can't relate anything to my sadness."

"Then you are happy about it!?"

What...

"I'm not. Just what are you thinking?"

"That's why I'm asking you, Onii-chan! Why did you say that me? Did you even know how it struck me so bad!?"

"Look Komachi-"

"Did you even know how I feel seeing them laying on a coffin!?"

"Komachi-"

"Did you even know how much I hate them to leave us like that!?"

"Hey, Komachi-"

"Did you even know how much I want to kill myself for anything-"

" **I'm here okay!?** "

I shout at her, stopping her rant. She looking at me surprised, then slowly fall down to her chair. She speak word-to-word without a break. That must be tiring and all. If I were really being in a foul mood, I would prefer keep being in low tone than loudly remarking my words. Why you ask? On Psychological side; Humans bound to seek a confrontation. Especially when we were in foul mood. Better to say 'Anger Mood'. Unconsciously, we drift ourselves to found our ways to create the condition. Low Tone were proved to be one of the best confrontational weapon. How? Low Tone proved that it was full of mischief, riot ways. If ones hear things on said behalf. They automatically handed a frequency in instinct. Making them go On-Guard for the next brace they would receive. For example; Two person talking about anything that lead them to debates. And one side of the parties being offended by the topic the others heading. The offended ones saying something that got the other parties to the corner. If the offended ones say their words loud and clear. The other parties would receive it as his weakness. They see them for being furious on that topic. Making them more being in lead than before to prepare another shot for their words. But what if, the offended ones say in it Low Tone? The other parties that receives it would be On-Guard, knowing that they just cornered by their own weapons. That its their own words.

Now if you think that a Low Tone has no weakness, Of course. It had much weakness than its use. Everything has their own ways to be useful. And yeah that is one... I clearly don't know what am I talking about right now.

But all that aside. I got my top priorities right now. Things became more worrying for me. Komachi, her feelings was like a Stalagmite to me. It bound to heading straight but latent just for her own place. Because with the conversation we just had right now, it was more vicious than I though. It's like it only pouring a water, a salty one. Making the a distinct thought just to think about drinking it, and mouth making an exception for it taste as tongue crying on bitterness. That was a goddamn reference, mind you. And That's applies well on this condition. You know how it is, what to explain?

 ***SOBS***

... Even so, a salty water is still a water too. No matter how bitter it was its still drinkable. Piecing-in my though, I stood up, just to confirm what I'm going to do next. Assured, I began to walk to the other sides of the tables, resulting me to found a damsel in distress. Crying lowly much to my Ear-range. I pat her head, making her stop what she doing and looking up at me. Seeing her faces right now was not giving me a pleasant feelings. Tears falling to her cheeks. I slowly stretch my hand, placing it around her backs. I had nothing but only a hug for her. Even though I do it for my own comfort.

Komachi, concious enough to recognize the person who's embracing her. She return it and dug her heads to my shoulder. I get her feelings after all. She was in state of Insecurities. She just want to say her feelings out loud wishing for someone to understand.

"I'm sorry for lashing out on you. It's just that... I can't shake the feelings from the past." She said somberly. The voice was a bit rumbled as she was still dug her face on my shoulder while saying it.

It's actually killing me seeing her so lost like this. I feel a bit guilty for what I said before. I hardened my hug around her, as if I won't let it go for anything. I pat her head once again, hoping to make her a bit more calm.

"It's alright. But you know, I had no other place than being here. We've been doing this for years and nothing happens, right?" I replied soothingly.

"Yeah. Thanks for that. I still can see you dead-fish eyes everyday." She chuckled lightly, mixed with a sniff. Although that was cute to hear, If only she didn't say the last sentence. Is this what I get for being in consolation?

I softly tack her forehead, making her cutely groan. HA, As if I can be mad with her being this adorable. Being Older Brother got its benefit as well!

"I'm being nice here. Is that how you appreciate my comfort?"

She sheepishly rub her forehead. "Hehe~ It's because Nii-chan looks funny with it. Yes, that's scored me an high point!" That's won't score you anything from me...

I tack her forehead again. "It only score you all my tack."

We share a laughter, then died down in silence. We stay in each other embrace for a while. She loose her hand around me and lift up her heads from my shoulder just to rub her eyes; clearing the tears stain. At the same time, I do the same as her. I pat her again for my last comfort. She then show me a smile. Oh wondrous! I felt like I just accomplish a lifetime mission.

"Well, I'm going to change. You should do the same, unless you want to be late." She then stood up and began to walk to her rooms. Being late? No no no. Unless I want to face the wrath of an middle aged lady that had a bad luck with her loves life, I wouldn't do so. And I can guess that she would be sneezing right now.

I take a look at the clock that hanged on the wall, informing me with the time. 6:30 huh? School start at 7:30. There still one hour to ditch right now. Time to seek some breeze.

"Nah, there's no way I want it. I'm gonna stay at balcony for a while." I began to walk to the said place.

"Onii-chan,"

Just as I was about to arrive at the place, I stopped my track. I turn my head sideways. I can tell that she was facing here at me. But I can't make out her face as I can only see half of her. I brought my body sideways intending for a full view. Hmm? Her face looks concerning... What is it though? You still want more of my embrace? I would gladly do so!

"Shouldn't you stop doing that?" She said in motherly tone.

What's with that tone? Do what?

"Don't you realize that you're slowly poisoning yourself to death with it?"

So that's where her concern placed. Although, I was a bit taken aback with the topic. A bit uncomfortable here.

Now how do I replied to that?

I'm not sure how... But why not?

I take a brief pause before answering her. "... I get it. I'm gonna try to stop. But I won't promise." Is this right?

Her face didn't even died down a little bit. Oh I'm mess up...

"Just don't be addicted to it." She walks in to her rooms and vanish behind that door.

"I won't." I stated to no one but myself. I continued my feet out.

As I arrive. I get to feel the breeze flowing to my way and the sunshine. Even when your morning wasn't in the right place, this place fix it for me. As a Loner, I approve this! It was more refreshing to be here than inside of the room. As it was branded for being my favored place on the time being in here. It bear the gift of silence. **[1]** It wasn't big one like it was in some of a resort. Just a normal balcony that an housewives would use for drying clothes. Well, all our dirty clothes were going straight to the laundries service in here. So it was free for me to use.

With that, I modified it a little bit. I'm not the one who sometimes dwell around here. Komachi would likely be here when I was relieving myself. Because of that. I buy a two metal chair and one table to place it in here. We sometimes talk about things in here. Well more like, she was talking her things in here. And everytime, I did follow up with her topics and answer back to her question. And if I don't know what she was trying to tell me, I just nod and said 'yeah' or 'yes'. That showing how much of Gentlemen I am. Keep doing it bois!

I sit on one of the chairs. And free myself by looking at the sky. Good things that the view from here wasn't blocked by another building. Below here was just a plain park with a lots of trees. And the best thing is, this place was quiet even though it was an outdoor. Recommended for fellows introvert!

... But then, My choice of place was not for one reason.

The sound creaking can be heard. It comes from a lighter. It stopped as the lighter that making the sound brought up near to the lips. Soon a smoke came out around this place. The lighter then placed back to table again.

...

...

A sound of puffing can be heard. It resulting another pile of smoke.

...

...

Another same sound again. It resulting another pile of smoke.

...

...

Heh, Hachiman you're ridiculous you know that? Just how did you learn doing this?

...

...

I'm not doing this without a reason.

Now thinking back on all these. Its been two years since I'm doing it. Puffing in and out for me, was like letting out all the anxiety and depression that been piles up within a day. I'm not doing this to make me look stronger. Neither I'm doing it for rebellion. Sometimes, my job were a bit stress-giver. It sure is taking a toll on me. So this was my stress reliever. Other than so, that is.

As you know it, I'm still a student. An second year high school student. I am myself was still underage to be allowed doing this. A student shouldn't be able to buy a mere pack of it. Then how did I get this? I don't know why but the reason was my face. Maybe the counter clerks mistakes me as an adult. I can't blame it thought. I even acknowledge my looks as one of an officer in distress. Even thought I'm not moody, It always looking like so.

Komachi knows my habit as well. I didn't try to keep it a secret. If it was another student, they would be sneaky while at it. They could be wandering around isolated place, just for the sake of doing it. What they were trying to avoid, is that being busted. Especially by their parents.

...

 _"Did you even know how I feel seeing them laying on a coffin!?"_

...

...

 _'Parents'_ huh...

...

... I don't mind even I got found out by them.

But yeah... everything can be happen without a cause.

Mine wasn't exception as well as the others.

...

...

"Heh..."

I can't only laugh at bitterness while thinking about it. To think that one of billion people. One of the people that has to get through that moment was my family.

Died on a accident. Pops and Moms were a real deal.

...

...

Hold your tears...

It's all in the past, Hachiman...

...

Heh. I've had an urge to tell something now. So let's talk about my share of life.

That times. Things gone with a thread. Which is indirected to me out of my expectant.

I was just a Middle Scholar at the times. It just another days of my parents going to work. No one would ever thought anything would likely happen. How do I? It just another day at my house. I watch some television. News comes. I read it. And yeah, I never thought it was about us. I just switch the channel to watch some anime. Then things wasn't in the place were I expected it should be. They didn't came home that night. I never care about it. I even didn't call them. I just go straight to my bed and sleep without trying to know the things. Wake up in the morning I got up from my bed. Going to the dining room just to take a breakfast. But then, there's no portion for me. There's is no plates ready and all the food wasn't served on top of the tables. There's nothing. Even when I check their rooms. They wasn't there. I can only ask myself for their whereabouts.

It went more downhill.

Two days. And there is no food served every morning neither the nights. How do you feels when common things became uncommon? It just fills me with worries. Who wouldn't be? Even Komachi always asking about them. She was just a Elementary Student. Because of her, I tried to call them this time. And customer service voice came up from the speaker. I do it again. It came up again. And funny thing is, I deduct them being in vacation without saying anything to us. I was ready for that. I had my monthly budget given from them. I had enough share to buy our own foods and all. Funny thing is, I thought that they would back for next month.

But then, it wasn't funny at all. If that a wish, It would be mine.

I was just about to go to school. Opening my door to outside. I expect to see the morning sunlight that would graved on my skin. But all I see was two person that looks like on their middle thirty. I quickly recognize them as my relative, my uncle and my aunt. As soon as they see me, my uncle quickly hug me. I was surprised nonetheless. He then rumbles a words that would be on use when comforting someone. Like "Everything's going to be alright." and other sentence. I became confused by their outburst. Before I'm can ask them what happen.

It struck me. It became one piece.

Uncalled Vacation...

Inexistence Dinning time...

Unresponsive Contact lines...

And that News...

I didn't believe it. I didn't believe every single of it. The thought was only a mere deduction. I think it was my mind playing trick on me. I brought away the thought from my minds to clear it once again. But there is one Factor that makes it untoreable from me.

"Everything's going to be alright."

It was another piece to completes my distinct thought.

It was then I realize. It becames a matter of fact.

I grasp the condition. I'm can't be ignorance again. I'm not clueless with this. I know everything that's going on with this. I know the truth... and it sadden me.

The day when I was informed. Was the day I broke myself.

Three days passed. Komachi and I lives with our relatives at Hokaido. Today, we go to our family funerals. There were so much people that came here. Much of them were from our parents workplaces. Their acquaintance meet us and start to hug both of myself and the other person with me. When the funeral start. I'm forced to look at a two photos on a frames. I tried to focus with the event. I'm holding my emotion as hard as I can. Komachi had the worst time. She takes it harder than me. By seeing her sobs so hard, I realize

I'm not alone in this.

I won't let it be another times for this. Not with our case. Seeing her tears was the last thing I would want to see. As her only siblings. I can but only embrace her. If we had to go through in grief. Then I would be the first one to lead us. No matter how harsh the reality are. I've must show her to accept all this moment. I'm not gonna back down. I was the only thing she can relate with. And she will be the only one I would relate to. With this I declare.

I won't be her disappointment.

Times moves one. I'm not bothered by it anymore. I'm moves on with my life. Three years was enough time to dwell in sadness. I soon going to be an High Scholar. All this years of living with our relatives. I grow independence with my decision. I decide to lives by myself. This choice was supported when I were informed that I got my scholarship. The school name was Sobu High, it was around Chiba. I know that it is fine to be dependent at my age. Even so, it would be better if I start living on my own. I told my guardian about it. That I would move out to Chiba. At first they were against it. Day pass by, they change their mind and allow me to do so. But with condition. Every months I need to atleast once calling them. It makes me grew smile. I'm so glad to have them as my relatives. All this years. I never see them living with us in cause of forced. They were genuinely welcoming us to their places. Which is the best thing that I didn't fully broken after what I had been through.

And about Komachi. She was against this. She doesn't show any acceptance at all. I've been telled numerous times by her that I'm being unreasonable by suddenly declaring my choice. And there was a time that she use financial as her own weapon. Too bad for her. I'm well planed. I've been saving up until this. I've always had a spare on my pocket. No, I intentionally spare it on my pocket. So I told her that and she went quiet. To clear misunderstanding, I'm not trying to be hostile with her. Especially about this. I found myself in understanding with her reaction. After all, we've been together all this years. So yeah. Parting days comes. I move out. Say my share farewell. Which is ignored by her. She just went straight to her room without any answer to me. Well, she's gonna past this sooner. So I won't budge her with that.

Four months passed since I'm moving out. I did what I'm promise them, giving a call every once in a months. The first call they got worried about my wellbeing. They worried for nothing since I'm doing great on my own. I got a part time job this time. Financially. My monthly pay up can cover myself. My new school life was not different as other were be. But this time around, I don't affiliate myself with everyone around me. I didn't spare my time to hang out. I don't know why but after getting into High School, I've been very serious with my matter of life. I've had enough pay up from my part time job. My living fee and paying up my rent for this place, I payed it with the exact same amount of my monthly income. Food were stacked. I've had my scholarship so School fee won't bother me. With that, I've got nothing to worry about.

Until someone arrive to my haven. That is.

Komachi, with her infantile idea. Decided to live with me at Chiba. The though was confusing. She didn't even call me first about her arrival. And she suddenly came up and declare herself. She was right now in her second years of middle school. I was against this. Not just with her declaration. But my income won't cover our monthly allowance at this rate. If it was. It would only lasted for fifteen days. I told the reason and all. And she wont back down. She was eager to live here. Although, I know her reason and all. Nonetheless, I was sure that I can't cover two people at the same time. I tried to reasoning with her. Brought up topic about school and all. She then callback saying that she's going to transfer school around here. The thought was distinct as she stated that our relatives would pay the fee for the school. It was on utmost that her words were intending to make me feel relieved. But no. I grow more remorseful with the idea. My point on living by myself was to create my own resolve with facing this life. Which is contradict her declaration. We turn into debate soon. She won't give up with her words nor do I was. And then it ended with her crying and lock herself to my room. Sigh.

With this, I make a call to my relatives. I need some confirmation before accepting her. So when the contact lines were connected. I quickly ask them to point. About why her sudden arrival and her wanting to stay here. Their answer wasn't a thing that I would thought of. They told me that Komachi has been difference after I moved out. She became gloomy all of sudden. They said that she's been like this till present. They thought that she had problem with her school life and all. They think that she was bullied or something. But then, on the other days she brought her friends. Her faces was an happy one. So they assume that she wasn't in problem at school. But she went back to her gloomy state after her friends got back home. They were worried about her sudden mood changes. So they ask her on the same day. At first, the told me that she was eager to avoid the topic. At all cost. But after they brought up my names. She suddenly died down in tears. So they thought that it would be better for her sake. That she lives with me right now.

And I've no words about it.

I just abandoned my only siblings in despair. Now I get the reason why she was being like this. I felt guilty for forsaking my ideals and abandoning my surrounding. I've make up my mind. I'd made my resolve with this financial crisis.

If one job doesn't cover our living. Then another one is a must.

The next day in the morning. I woke up on my sofa. I ditch school for just today. I wait in living room by watching some TV Shows. And as expected, she comes out from my rooms. I confront her. At first, she was steeled on guard with my action. But after I words out my mind. She just went from hostile to the most happiest person in the face. I accept her. I spoke the words already and I gonna resolve my problem with my own hands. The next day, I start to search for another part time job. Since after school till night I search on every corner around district. Out of ten place. Only three place that would hire me. But knowing how much I would be payed. I decline the offer. Why? The pay up was so low that I would greatly assume it won't be enough for us. With no hopes. I tried another way to perceive my condition. I'm dwelling on the storehouse. Clearly wishing for anything that can be use. But after some minutes looking arround. I bumped with a bag. Curiosity got me. I took it to the living room and open the bag. There was a laptop, an old one. This things was from my middle school days. The laptop was not broken. Charging it for an hours and it boot up.

And an idea comes to mind.

I still got some spare allowance. What I'm going to do is the same as Gambling. If did spend anything on my allowance. Then it would make a hole for two days before my pay up. But nonetheless, I can bear that. For this sake I would. It won't be an exception. I change my clothes and go to station for a train ride. My destination right now was Akihabara. Akihabara was an otaku paradise. It famous with their culture about Anime. But my reason was not for it. Don't mistake me as them, just for this moment don't alright? Let me explain to you what I'm intending to do. Akihabara, other than selling an action figure or things that related with their culture. They had the best electronics shop. What I'm going to buy are a USB Modem Router.

You get my point now.

The price wasn't expensive. It still on my allowance range. The fee is containing the internet service and another things that I don't really care to look at. So I brought it, head back, and plug it to my laptop. It got connected to the networks line. I open up a browser and start my research.

This have to be another way to find a job.

I keep my research intact for An hours. And I found nothing. I put my hopes up and keep my eyes open. Presuming my research without a break. And still nothing. All the job that got my attention. Their requirements was for me to grasp. The limitation was at least have High School degree. I can't wait that long. I'm in need and I can't wait for another two years. With no hopes. I dwell on the internet, just to seek some relieve. Starting from Video Streaming and bunch of meme images. And just I was about to presume my research once again. My interest got abruptly landed on a blog. I read their article and all.

Interesting.

The topic was about internet marketing. It talks about Search Engine Optimization. After reading all of it. I try dwell deeply about this information. I read every single article that heading with the same topic. On how it works and where it would goes. HTML. Website. Routed TCP hosting. And strategical External IP. I search on all of them. Reading it one by one. I came to conclusion. To put it simply. It was related to a Network Scripting. It's the things that I'm familiar with. Those middle school years I spend on messing with my computer was pays off.

Now the only thing I would do is to try.

Soon my laptop becomes a thing that I would brought anywhere. Even on my worktimes I use it to presume in my experiment. At home too I still would keep my focus on this matter. After school was not an exception. Even Komachi got curious as I keep using my old laptop. I told her about my ideas. And she support it very well. Well why wouldn't she? But I do appreciate it well enough that she still had some concern for my wellbeing. So she was not being fully selfish.

One weeks passed. After some of failure, I create a benchmark for my alternative.

So basically, this things running just like another website. But it got different purpose. It use was to be a support on the website. The truth behind it was so amazing. We all familiar with Google, we both knows that. Google is a Search Engine. Google will always has your answer when you tried to search for a thing. Even the most ridiculous things we search on the internet was being found with that Search Engine. Now. We didn't realize that it wasn't just simply being a Search Engine.

Well played Google. Well played.

Now to get on my point. Everytime we surf for anything on Google. It would came up as a link. You can say it weblink or website, whatever you want to call it. And everytime Google show us the result related to what we search about. Occasionally, We click the first one that on the top. So here's a bit to bound on Psychological side; Humans was more interested to see something on their face up value. With that, we took our full attention to the first thing we see. We unconsciously take interest for our own choices.

And it applies to Google as well.

To think that I'm not thinking farther more than I would expect. Websites. Most of them exist for the same reason. That is business. So if one of the website was placed on the top of the page. Than they would gain advantage with their marketings. But if one of them had already placed on the top place, then how do we being on one? Try to view Google in different ways.

See them as competition. An website competition.

It would be bound to logic if it wasn't accidentally being in top page. They secretly competing with each other. One of the top, call it the 'First-Place', will keep their position with all their cost. And the other that at another place would go an purse the first place. It was just like any other competition. In sport, there's Soccer, Tenning, Badminton and all. But even sport has something to compete with. And Google too has their own way to start their competition. It called Metrics. It is a Statistic to decide whether they had a decent stats to be on the top list or not. It is calculated on how much their integrity had. Starting from Popularity, Citation Flow, and Referral. Now how to piles it up?

So there is where my doing comes to play.

If servant was a website, they would be called Backlinks. They called backlinks not because they were visually different. It just a simple page on a website. But the real deal of it was, It was benefited with incredulous feature. It use words as reference. Their use was placed on a bunch of article that talk about a topic. Normally, people would thought that it was just a simple referral to what the word that the article had. For example; We read an article about politic. There is a word that we didn't clearly understand the meaning of. But sometimes those words was clickable. Bringing us out from the site and showing us the explanation or another example of the word. It sometimes contain images and all BUT! That was the trick.

Seriously though, it was tricky.

If its a trick, Google would have notice it. Put in the Keyword: NOT!

Google was managed by a bunch of bot. Not robot but Script-Bot. They was not Psychically exist but Virtually does. Just a bunch of text and all. They were text that read another text in a context. Hell yeah mindfuck. With this, we got ourselves an advantage. Robot can't define it own self of thinking. They just being linear with their task. So basically, they created us a space to fill.

And so, there was where we get in.

Using the targeted website as our ends. Backlinks were automatically covered by their clients. So to done an activity, It sends Google a false statistic by creating a fake condition to conduct the matter of progress. As the bots notified with the slightest changes of metrics. They would indulge itself and basing it to the fixed number. And there we go.

We just accomplish things by manipulating our ways in.

I've being much worse of an workaholic...

Yeah and that, Its been a job for me. Even until now I'm still are. At first, It wasn't that great to be honest. The system will gave me an notification when someone's did purchase my links. No, more like 'Renting'. Every months they need to pay up for our services while they get their profit by using the links. And just like a normal job, I got my salary at the end of the months. One link equals to three dollar. That time, I sold about ten links, so I got thirty dollar on my watch. Convert it to Yen and it would be around three hundred yen. Good to know that. But you know what?

Hilariously, just when I was about to get my income. The requirements wasn't reached. It need an credit card.

Of course. What do you expect Hachiman? Haha...

But hey, If there's problem then there's too a solution. For temporary cause, I'm requesting an aid from my relatives. I told them about it and they quickly accept it. Good grief, I'm worried for nothing. And then I proceed to transfer the money to my uncle's account. They call me back, inform me that a money just get into their accounts. They told me that they will send the money through a package mail. But I wasn't sure enough if that is a right choice to do so. Instead appreciate their offer, I politely denied it. I told them I going to take it myself. I mean, Visiting Hokaido was not bad at all. So I think I offer the best condition here. A win-win settled.

And yeah. Every once in a month. I visit their place. Meet them and talk for a little while. And they do have a child. So I playing with my cousins for a while too. I get to take my incomes. It won't be forever thought. Once I reach seventeen I would make my own accounts. But that doesn't stop me to visit them. They deserve atleast my utmost sincerity after all their treatment.

And till now, we're doing great. The business keep raising and being all known on everyone that knows about this. With that, our Finance was settled fully without apprehension. Concluding the scale of our budget in month. We never spend anything much than just a pile of food. We do have a share of stack on our closet. Just to prepare for what comes. I would expect that Komachi making a hole on my sole income. I give her a fine share of money to spend on whatever she want. I know I was spoiling her with that. But surprisingly, she was not being a spoiled brat at all. She's doing good at managing her budget.

So that is my fine share of my life. Quite less than a story. Is it a story thou? Well if someone did take interest to make ones out of this... As if there's is one who profound this as a profit. Knowing this was just a blabber of an sad person. Despite being resonance and keep the pace up, this story was nothing and won't make it out as one of an story-

 **BUT NONETHELESS!** Here goes what it said.

Somehow, we take another reason for being in darkness, alone or not. Despite being in despair, we do try to pass through to the light by knowing our dread in our moment. To sum it up.

When there's a darkness, There will be light.

I'm Hikigaya Hachiman and you're watching-

"Onii-chan,"

A voice came through to my right ears somehow likely coming from a petite girl interupting the advertisement on air. On my thought exactly. But who's this? How dare she interupt me on the most profiting moment!? Try to read the damn schedule time before you blabber unnecessarily. We are on a tight grip with time OKAY!

Cause of the sound. Im stopping what I'm doing and turn my head aside. My eyes meet with an cute pout by seeing fully the face of the person.

"Stop smoking and get ready for school."

Komachi comes into the scene by stating her words with motherly tone. Why am I the one who've been take care of now? But knowing that she deals with the house works. That seems valid.

"Yes ma'am." I simply answered and stood up to walk pass her and going inside the living room.

"Then do it quick. I will wait for you outside the doors." She shout from the balcony Intending for me to hear it clear. _Don't be so loud at morning Gurl! Our neighbors would be disturbed and blame us for taking their rest time. Anything but a trouble._

"On my way." I shout back as low as I can. Just to make my point stand valid. Not because bothered by the said neighbors. I just trying to make my point better so she can take an example on her decision while trying to be reasonable on anything that she-

... _Just keep going Hachiman._

I continued my feet off and arrive to my private dome. Sounded exagerated for just a small room here.

So call it "The Hikigaya's Workplace"... or just call it my bedroom. Filled with nothing but a BOIS Stuff. In detail. There's a guitar. Sometimes when I feel tempted with the labor. I do a quick cover on a song that Im take liking to listen for. A laptop. Not my old one, I'd buy a new one a years before. My old one got problem with their chips. Malfunctioned and all my stuff in it got corrupted. _Oh hard phase, why don't you back down for a while?_ And there's my wardrobes. Filled with nothing but a casual shirt. And some jeans that is. Well I'm one of that person who bothers their wardrobe with fancy clothes. Or catchy one that is. I'm simple person. I knew my things well. So yeah that's where I'm heading for now.

I go straight to my wardrobes. Taking out my uniform clothes to wear it for school.

"Onii-chan! We're getting late, **COME ON**!"

 _YE YE IM GOING KOMACHI!_

I walk out from my haven and head out from my apartment. Komachi, being benevolent as a little sister. Fulfil her duties by waiting for her beloved older brother. Got to write that on my note... Point for... Komachi... Alright, good.

We then head down to stairways and found ourselves outside the building. The breeze of morning flowing pass our body as the sunshine penetrating our skin. Have some taste of the morning was enough to start my days. We presume to walk to each of our schools.

"Onii-chan. Why don't buy us a bike? Everytime, I would have be half-dead before reaching to school."

"I'm more lazier than you Komachi. I'm still going even I consider stopping on the half ways."

But knowing her. Her school has the same path as mines. Until we reach a bus station we part ways from there. Of course. We walk together every morning to our own school. At first. Being self-aware as myself was not in her peripheral. I distance myself from her because I don't want someone that knows her to see her with me. I do it for her own sake. And my own benefit as well.

And she won't buy it. My action was for nothing at that. I told her my reason and she suddenly being furious, in her own ways. She told me that It's okay to walk side by side. She was not in shame to have a brother like me. Conversely, she was proud to have an older brother like me. She words it clear that I'm not some hindrance to her social life. Well I gotta say, I'm glad to have her as my company. I proceed myself with her request and nod to myself that Instead how infantile her behavior was. She was maturing on the inside. I take my pride for that.

"But still, it's killing me sometimes to do so. Atleast a little help won't be hurt." Complain all you want about it. Okay, I might consider it to my plan after school. A bike huh? Well then

Dully noted.

"I will consider it. You're coming with me if I did makes up for it."

"Oh really!? If we really did have one. You would take me to my school?"

Hmm, her words were right thou. If we did have one, that means I would have more labor in the morning by taking her to her school. But thinking about it... We ride a bike together in the morning... She behind me... She tightly hug my back...

 _... You do know how appease your older brother, huh?_

"I might as well do that... Yeah, I would." I'm trying not to sound so obvious... with my own reason. Atleast there's a bit perk in distray. So... A win-win, I guess?

"You sound not sure about it." Oh I'm 100% sure with it. Ignore my words and you found a context behind it. _No, you better not. For your sake please._

"Must I repeat myself?" Reasoning might do. _**COMEON!**_

"Hehe~ I'm sorry then, dead-fish eyes Nii-chan~" She giggled.

Yeah, she giggled. That a sly remarks coming from her lips. Should I be mad? I would be. If it weren't for that giggle. Her's was the most adorable thing I've ever heard. Maybe abit admonition would do.

I tack her forehead softly. Works everytimes on her case. She let out a soft squeak as if she let her guard down and got surprised by my action. _ERRR STOP DOING THAT, MY HEART CAN'T GO ON! YOU PLAGUED ME LONG ENOUGH!_ **[2]**

"That's not how you show a gratification. You should try taking that for a lesson." What a great ways to counsel someone. _This is me, being sarcastic._

She sheepishly rub her forehead to get rid of the pain. _Is it that painful?_

"Stop doing that, it hurts. Why did you always do that?"

 _It is painful for her. I'm sorry._

"Well, sorry if its hurts. But It was abit your side too. I take no blame for that." Second attempt: Reasoning.

"Just take it as a jokes, Nii-chan."

 _If I did, then that would be the worse jokes ever._

"You told me a bunch of jokes. But not a single one I consider it funny." _This is me, being honest and all._

"Buh! You are no fun at all."

 _I'm have no sense in 'Fun'. Thank you for saying that, little one._

Soon our banter step into the silence. We're now infront of the crossroad. Waiting for the light to give us a signal for us to walk pass the street. We quietly waiting as the green light still intact on the pole stamp. _No I ain't here to wait for this thing to change colors-_

 _Let's just wait quietly now..._

 _..._

... The light turns red. Signaling us to start moving on. Just like relationship. Red means danger. If your relationship turns out to be disastrous. Then moving on... That was the worse logic I've ever thought. _Imbecile!_

Just as I about to move forward. A dog enter my field of vision. It's heading this ways. It running to where my position is. A dog attracted to me? Hmm. There's no way that could happen. Even a child can tell that I'm not even attractable. It's always being the case that the child have to cry before I even reach him. That was my trait by the way. _I'm untouchable!_

 _...in a sad way._

But really, judging by a collar around it necks. This dog has a owner. And there was a rope following the dog behind as it runs to here. Now, this pointed to all the owner of a pet.

Who's in the right mind, let their grips off when walk with their pet around the street?

"Sable, stop running like that! Geez..."

Definite answer to that. Was a girl trying to callback while her dogs run amock around the street. Occasionally, people would just shout to the dog, resulting them to nowhere as the dogs has no mind to digest the words out in their minds. And after they got far they would try to run ASAP to calm this dog back.

I expect so. But knowing this is the world we live. With no full conviction to what we expect so far. Somethings can't be predicted much to our expectant. Don't ask me how it turns out from Owning a Pet to Relating out to Life. No wonder I'm such a mess. I think through with everything.

And suddenly. A car enter my line vision...

Why do I felt intrigued? It's just a car. It merely excuse itself to pass the road. There's nothing more than that-

No wait.

Realization creating a brake to me.

" **BACK DOWN! THERE'S A CAR COMING!** "

I shout as hard as I can. The dog was already in the middle of the road. And the owner that chasing it was almost enter the roads area. Creating the sole female stopped her tracks.

"E-eh... but Sable..." She got surprised by my voice. You better be. If not, you would be blundered into pieces. Be grateful!

But even so. The dogs was still there. It keeps running over here.

" **SABLE!** "

The cars were getting near already. The dogs didn't even back down a bit even it owners shout so hard to it.

It won't make it.

If the cars really did bump with the dog. I imagine it would be a distraught.

...It wasn't pleasant thought. But what can I do?

If I did help that dog. That means it can make me cost my life. Knowing so, I can't but watch the dogs fates. I stand quietly for now.

But it wasn't an option...

The person beside me. Standing still watching the scene out with her eyes. Komachi, her eyes went wide.

The probability was not in my consequence...

I remember that face. That was the face of distraught. Her eyes just full of shock.

Just like that time...

At our parents funeral...

Her eyes was the first one to accept the situation...

That memories need to ceast to exist. It was already inexistence.

And I'd happen to raise it up again...

Is this it...

...

I run at full speed ahead. My destination was to the road. I aware of what I'm doing. I clearly do. I get straight to the idea. And I reflect it with my action. I do it consciously. I know the risk but I'm still keep my foot ahead. I didn't stop. I had no second thought.

What exactly am I feelings right now?

... Is this pity?

... Is this caresy?

... Is this sympathic?

... Is this desire?

...

... Is this selfless?

My chain of thought broken to piece. I was about to grab the dog. I realize that the car was infront of me already. A sudden thought pass my mind.

I imagine if this car hit me... What would've becoming...

... Is this the cost of generosity?

... Is this how the pay-up settled?

...

... Is this my fate?

...

...

" **ONII-CHAN!** "

 **LIKE HELL IT WOULD**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

* * *

 **[1]: Silencers Response when player's ordered him to move.**

 **[2]: Nyx Assassin Response... Why is just Dota and Dota m8? U got nothing for a pun at all.**

 **.**

 **And that is...**

 **Yeah, Sure. Good?**

 **Guess what? NOPE.**

 **...**

 **Okay Bye-**

 **I'm need some concotion to my head right now.**

 **So about this fanfic. OH GOD HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS**

 **GET A GRIP MAN OKAY OKAY**

 **So about this fanfic. Hachiman here was not Pessimistic. Nor Opmitistic at all. I prefer to call him his neutral state. I'm trying to make a mature Hachiman in here. Whether I'm doing it right or not. And yeah.**

 **And is it M-Rated thou? Hachiman in here was doing something that teenage shouldn't do. If some of you, knows what it was saying then please don't do it. It is bad. It was for stress reliever. But what you're doing with is just running away from the problem.**

 **And a little things here. Remember that limousine car that changes Hachiman views of youth? I mean maybe because of that or-**

 **On this timeline. The event happen AFTER he get into sobu. He is right now in his second year.**

 **I would call this AU. But realizing my intent. I think not. Why? The only one that difference here was Hachiman. The other characther like Yukinoshita or Yuigahama. Will remain the same on personality nor appearance.**

 **OK THATS ALL**


End file.
